I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Two words: nipple clamps
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