So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize