if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
