Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
