Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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