thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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