she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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