Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
