what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
