i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it because I queefed?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
