now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
