it hurts more in the daytime
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
