In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
