fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
