never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
