I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
