Nicole vs. Life
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
