It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
