My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
