its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
