TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
