So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
