Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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