I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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