I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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