Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
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