he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
