onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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