Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
