3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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