The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
