So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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