i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
