Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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