I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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