Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize