You made me cry and you don't even care
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize