Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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