How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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