So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
