Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
