just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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