If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
