mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
