I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
