i jhust puked up my retainher.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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