That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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