Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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