reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
