I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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