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What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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