I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
