I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
is it fun? or sober?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
