Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize