And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
This baby is an asshole
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
