He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Less talking, more tequila
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The air taste purple.
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