I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
