why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
