Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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