And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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