we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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