I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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