So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
