Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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