Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
