My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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