Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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