she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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