How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
