R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
