You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
