Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize