She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
