nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
