it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
