Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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