why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
