...so i touched it.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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