Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
