And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
