Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
