It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize