Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
