I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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