they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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