There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize