we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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