It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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